Please Don't Let This Turn Into Something It's Not

[plazmah]

Title: Can't Be Saved
Author: m_jade8
Rating: G
Fandom(s): Bones
Pairing(s): Booth/Brennan (angst)
Summary: Brennan takes a somewhat harsh and introspective look at her relationship with Booth, and what the two of them are inevitably heading towards.
Notes: I wanted to write a big-ass angsty B/B fic with a super-sad ending, but it didn't work out. This is what I was reduced to. It's still good, but only a mere shadow of what I was originally attempting. I don't anything Bones related, woe. Thanks to miss1nformation for the beta.

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Sometimes, late at night when she's working on her latest book with a bottle of red wine at her side, she lets her thoughts wander away from the characters and plot lines. She thinks about Booth, and what a fool he is.

Despite her inadequacies at reading people, she has learned to read Booth over the many months that their lives have intertwined together. Temperance Brennan is no fool; she knows Booth is attracted to her, knows that he is harbouring feelings of the romantic variety. His hands always linger just a little too long at the small of her back when they walk next to each other, his eyes hold her gaze a little too strongly, his words are just a little too tender when he opens up to her. She knows he cares about her safety and will go to any length to protect her. She knows that look in his eyes, the one that says: be mine.

Booth is still a fool.

Would he even care about her like this if she wasn't his partner, if they hadn't been thrown together time and time again? Doubtful. And besides, his is a mind full of foolish notions she could never bend to: contracts, a white gown, the picture perfect picket fence. He feels the tension between them and tries to sublimate it into intimacy, into love. But he's wrong. He tries to mold her into his idealistic vision, sees her as something she will never be.

He's already changed her too much, for better or for worse. But he's mistaken if he thinks that one day she'll be the perfect woman he carries in his heart when he looks at her. She knows who she is. She's stubborn, recklessly brave, stoic and independent to a fault. She can't be what Booth wants her to be, that imaginary woman he believes is lurking beneath her surface.

One of these days, she knows, she will have to break his heart. And as she swallows the last of her wine, she realizes that she is not looking forward to it.

--------------end--------------

Comments

[starlite-diner.livejournal.com]

*BAWLS* !!!!

Your tore my BB shipper heart into tiny little pieces. :P *lol*

BUT..

Beautifully, beautifully written. *claps* Simple, yet so powerful. GREAT work. :D

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

Your tore my BB shipper heart into tiny little pieces.

Then my work here is done! ;) But seriously, thank you so much!

[aelysian.livejournal.com]

YES! Oh dear god, it wasn't until reading this did I realize how much I'd missed good, strong angst. It's so wonderfully blunt and realistic, and the huge part of me that loves angst more than anything wants this to happen for real. Ahem.

Loved it.

[khitie-ethrin.livejournal.com]

Make me cry more why don'tcha!

But seriously... amazingly written, and all that jazz.

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! There's nothing like some good, strong angst to clean your palate after reading a lot of fluff. It's like mouthwash, in a way. ;)

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

*blush* Thank you. :)

[aelysian.livejournal.com]

Well thank you for writing, 'cause I needed it, to clean away the crappy cotton-candy-ness of the 'fluff' that's been shoved down my throat the last couple months.

Mmm, angst. It does a body good.

[trilliane.livejournal.com]

SMITHA! DON'T DO THIS TO ME!!
*cries*

beautiful m'dahling. beautiful. i love angst. it's very poetic. haha.

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

AWWW, THANK YOU SPOOKY BABY.

[sezzie-dee.livejournal.com]

He feels the tension between them and tries to sublimate it into intimacy, into love.

Yes. Just yes. It's totally what would end up happening between them - what they have is so vague that I've always thought that if they ever did take it to the next step they'd try too hard to make it into *something* just to give it a name. And that would, inevitably, be their downfall.

So succinct and straightforward, and so Brennan. Awesome job.

[fivil.livejournal.com]

I just wanna yell my shipperish delusions at her. GRRR Brennan! Booth luvs you for who you are, omg, can't you see?! *shows her some friggin' Bones episodes*

I loved this though, very good look at the unhappy possibility behind this pairing. And the fact it's a likely scenario is what I think hurts the most. If I was doing Bones bets, I'd put more money on this than on them humping at the lab, no matter how much I'd like the latter option better myself.

Would he even care about her like this if she wasn't his partner, if they hadn't been thrown together time and time again? Doubtful.
*makes Brennan read my AU fic* See?!

She knows that look in his eyes, the one that says: be mine.
Booth is such a schmoopball omg. LOVE. He so does this, even without knowing.

She knows who she is. She's stubborn, recklessly brave, stoic and independent to a fault.
This is so spot-on, dude. It's also inspiring to look into the problems the actual B/B relationship would have etc. Especially "independent up to a fault", I can see how that would clash with Booth a little or a lot..

Just out of curiosity, what was the extended/full version of this going to be like, when you imagined? Did it include the "breaking Booth's heart" scene? Because that would've been awesome. Broken-hearted Booth would be like this hurt puppy at first and then get all angsty with alcohol and then find solace in something really odd, like talking to ZACK or something.

Also omg omg I finally watched the promo for next ep. I CAN'T WAIT. I can barely contain myself until Thursday afternoon downloadage, eeee. I want to fic that episode IN FRIGGIN' ADVANCE.

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

Thank you. :D And it's true; their bond just doesn't fit any established sort of relationship in the real world, and trying to make it into something would likely end in disaster. At least, that's my opnion, no matter how much smut I write. ;)

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

*nods* As much as we all love Teh Smut, one must be realistic every now and then.

The full version of the fic was supposed to start sometime into B/B being in a relationship, and seeing how once the initial newness and passion of being together wore off, how each of their self-doubts and flaws brought upon the downfall of their relationship, with much screaming at each other to be had in the process. But it kept turning out too OOC for me, so I scrapped the idea. :P

Re: promo. YES, FICCING IN ADVANCE! I want to do that too! Even aside from the whole Brennan/Sully/Booth mess, all other aspects of the episode are looking good too! :D

[silver-p.livejournal.com]

T_T

I love it. Love it love it love it. You do Brennan justice like few other writers I've seen. I can't stand Bones stories which have them getting married, doing the 2.5-kids-and-a-picket fence deal for precisely the reasons you outlined in this little one shot.

Still, poor Booth. Somehow, for some upsetting reason, this scenario rings very true to their characters.

Great stuff. Boy, you're really on a roll here!

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! The way the angst can come across as so very true to the relationship always makes it that much more of an impact, it seems.

Yeah, my muse is back and she's itching for more action. ;)

[teal-talitha.livejournal.com]

Wonderfully angsty ;-)
Pleased I stumbled upon this, thanks for sharing it.