I Can't Sing The Song That You Sing

[plazmah]

Y'all better prepare yourself... a barrage of fanfic is forthcoming.

Title: Comfort Not Quite At A Distance
Author: m_jade8
Rating: G
Fandom(s): Bones
Pairing(s): Hodgins, Brennan; vague Brennan/Booth and Hodgins/Angela
Summary: There was no way she could turn him away, not so late at night, when even the warm and generous embrace of her best friend wasn't enough to give him the peace he needed.
Notes: Spoilers for Aliens In A Spaceship. Unbetaed. I don't own anything Bones or Bones related.

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Only after that very strange conversation she had with Booth in the car did Temperance Brennan begin to wonder if she had something to feel guilty about. It was by no means a sexual relationship comparable to what Booth had with Cam. But she hadn't told him about it. And she hadn't mentioned anything to Angela either. Not that there was anything to say. But her lack of communication, this instinctual secrecy that they engaged in... she wondered if there was a deeper meaning to it.

It paid her no benefit to think along those lines; she was not good with psychology.

---

Tonight was another one of those nights.

Her papers were arrayed before her as she sat cross-legged on the floor of her apartment. Plot lines, character development, and location and victim details were all written down on various scraps of paper, waiting for her to reorganize the scattered thoughts into a single, cohesive novel. She looked from sheet to sheet, nursing a bottle of beer and furrowing her brow with concentration.

Someone rapped at her door and she had an inkling who it would be calling on her so late. Angela never came over unannounced, and Booth had his hands full with Parker this weekend. Pushing herself off the ground, she padded over to the door and cracked it open, unsurprised to see Hodgins standing there, wringing his hands together with what she could only assume to be stress.

"Sorry. I know it's late..." He looked up at her with an expression she was all too familiar with. There was no way she could turn him away, not so late at night, when even the warm and generous embrace of her best friend wasn't enough to give him the peace he needed. She of all people knew the bond that could grow between two people over shared commonalities. When Jack needed to talk about the traumatic events he had been through, without putting Angela through the pain of those terrible hours, he came to the only person who truly understood. Hodgins didn't have the heart to remind Angela of those terrible moments.

Fortunately, her constitution was not like Angela's.

She opened the door wide so that he could step in. "I just bought some Chilean beer, want to try some?"

---

"You have to stop apologizing." Her voice was as serious as ever, feet tucked under her as she sat on the ground amidst her papers, staring up at him as he sat on her couch.

Hodgins downed the last of his beer. "I just feel bad about this, interrupting your hard work. One doesn't become famous without effort."

"It's nothing, really. And I'm not famous, Hodgins." She gazed down at her notes. "Just moderately well-known."

He couldn't help but smile. Dr. Brennan didn't understand how guilty it made him every time he infringed upon her solitude like this. But she had told him, time and time again, that he was completely free to seek her out when he needed to. Something akin to shame seeped into his pores every time the emotions from that night came surging back. Dr. Brennan was dealing so well in the aftermath, why couldn't he? He kept the haunting images and sounds at bay most of the time, but every now and then, it all became too much to withstand.

And the worst part was not being able to talk to Angela about it. The first time she had asked him what was wrong, the words had come tumbling from his mouth, full of quiet terror. She had squeezed her eyes shut as he recounted what he had felt, as if closing her eyes would block out the sound of his trembling voice. It hurt her, to hear him talk about his experience, and he would be damned if he let anything hurt her. Up to and including his own fears.

Dr. Brennan was still looking at him, sporting a patient expression that he was sure she had honed from talking to witnesses with Booth. She was waiting, he knew, for him to start talking. But this time... he was sick of going over the same horrific events. He wanted it to be over. He wanted it to end.

Hodgins had no idea how she deciphered his expression. Maybe the frustration on his face was obvious even to her. Maybe being around Booth for so long had taught her a thing or two about body language. But she didn't say a word, just got up from her sitting position on the floor and slid next to him on the couch, clutching his hand with hers.

"It's okay, I understand. But don't worry, the investigators will get to the bottom of this. They'll find the Grave Digger." Her voice was confident and reassuring. He remember what he had told her about having faith and knew that the same statement still held true for her, as much as she wouldn't believe it.

"Even if they do catch him, am I supposed to live like this forever? Wondering if tomorrow or the day after that is the day that I suddenly get scared of shadows? That's no way to live."

"I know. That's what I'm here for."

Hodgins sighed, leaning against her a little as they sat together in silence.

-------------end-------------

Title: Amidst The Chaos
Author: m_jade8
Rating: PG
Fandom(s): Bones
Pairing(s): Booth/Brennan
Summary: When the dust clears, Booth's first instinct is to look for her, to forget about the rest of the squint squad because he needs to find her and see with his own eyes that she is safe.
Notes: Takes place after Mother And Child In The Bay. Unbetaed. I don't own anything Bones related, boooo! This is actually a reworking of another massive fic that I deleted by accident, whoops. Enjoy anyway!

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When the dust clears, Booth's first instinct is to look for her, to forget about the rest of the squint squad because he needs to find her and see with his own eyes that she is safe. But he forces his racing heart to calm down instead, taking stock of the situation and making sure that the rest of them are okay. Why is his heart racing so fast anyway? He's been in worse situations than this, he knows that. It's something else that grips his heart with panic, something that he's quite familiar with by now. It's not just the fear of loss, it's the fear of losing her.

The squints are not okay. Hodgins has been struck by a piece of debris and the blood is starting to soak through his pants and drip onto the floor. Angela is holding onto his hand, tears threatening to stream down her cheeks. Zack is crouched next to them, looking like more terrified than he's ever seen the boy genius before. Booth is about to take control of the situation when he feels a hand on his shoulder. He looks into Cam's eyes and he's never been so relieved in his life. Go, her eyes say, firm and unflinching, I'll take care of this. You go find her.

"Thank you." He whispers, knowing it's not enough.

He runs past the crumbled bricks, past the confused and alarmed crowds who are fleeing the building as fast as they can. He runs to where he left her, near the entrance of the building, and an icy chill grips him as he sees the carnage that has taken place. The collapse is the worst here, and he tries his best to filter out the cries for help, searching in terror for the voice he knows all to well. But he hears nothing, doesn't hear her voice calling for help. Diving deeper into the chaos around him, he hears the muted sound of a siren. Flashing lights blink in the distance; the emergency personnel are already here, helping the most injured people first.

And then he sees her. She's helping a paramedic carry an older man onto a stretcher, her auburn hair tangled and dusted with powdered mortar. There's a white smudge running across her cheek, he sees, as she leans down and says something to the older man before the paramedics take him away. She watches the man go with a gentle look on her face, wiping her grimy hands on her pants, and when she turns around she finds Booth staring at her.

He's amused, later, that amidst the pandemonium, they look at each other like the entire world has disappeared except for the two of them.

She moves first, picking her way through the fallen brick and concrete towards him, never breaking eye contact. Only when she's two steps away from him does he finally step forward and draw her into his embrace, his body slowly relaxing as she puts her arms around him and rests her cheek against his.

"I'm okay, Booth. You worry too much." She reassures him, intent on calming his fears. Her voice is soothing, but he can feel a faint tremor running through her body, a whisper of fear that she is too stubborn to acknowledge.

He doesn't reply, simply pulls back to look at her, to stare into those sapphire eyes that for a split second he thought he was going to lose forever. When he wipes the smudge from her cheek with his thumb, she smiles, a little amused at the strength of his emotions. She walks through the world as if she's indestructible, but Booth knows better. She's just as human as everyone else, as human as the man she helped into the stretcher. That could have been her. She could have been seriously hurt. But she doesn't see that.

There' a lot that she doesn't see.

Booth has been waiting for her to see, but now he's not sure if waiting for her is a good idea. Time is precious and limited. Frankly, it's astounding that it took an goddamn explosion for him to figure this out. He can no longer do a disservice to the both of them by leaving things unsaid.

"Bones, you're lucky to be standing in one piece." He says when his voice finally returns to him, quavering and unsure.

This time she's the one who is silent, looking up at him with resigned indulgence and her hands still on his shoulders. She still doesn't understand, can't understand why he's reacting the way he is.

Booth closes the gap between them, pressing his lips to hers, wishing and praying and hoping that she could understand just how much she means to him. She stiffens in shock at the kiss, her hands falling away from his shoulders. When Booth pulls away from her his heart sinks at the deer-in-the-headlights look on her face.

He drops his hands from her face, uncertain of what to say. "Sorry. I shouldn't have-"

And suddenly she's reaching forward, kissing him this time with her fingers getting tangled in his hair and her lashes brushing against his skin. He can taste the curiousity on her lips, can feel understanding slowly seeping through her, making her reluctant to let him go. But she finally does and when he looks as her, he doesn't think he's ever seen her smile or blush like that before.

"H-how are the others?" She asks, not quite ready to vocalize what just happened between them. As he briefs her on Hodgins' condition, he realizes that he's fine with that. Now, he knows, they have all the time in the world.

-------------end-------------

Comments

[blienky27.livejournal.com]

Yay! Thank you for wonderful ficness! And now I feel really bad for Hodgins...but at least Brennan is there for him. *hugs Hodgins*

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. I'm actually quite glad that these are finished and posted. I feel lighter now. ;)

[like-electric.livejournal.com]

I've always wondered how the Brennan/Hodgins dynamic must have changed after they were buried alive (after all, they're the only ones who really understand what the other went through) and the way you did it here is just how I think it would work itself out. :)

I haven't seen the episode the second one takes place after, but I like it a lot. You have a nice style and a good grasp of the characters, and both fics were really enjoyable to read. *waits for your next fic* :D

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the comment! Glad you enjoyed my writing. :)

[not-purrrfect.livejournal.com]

Good work. I really like them.

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :)

[oltha_heri.livejournal.com]

The first one was really sweet, I thought it was poignant and had really good characterizations.
This line in the second one, He's amused, later, that amidst the pandemonium, they look at each other like the entire world has disappeared except for the two of them. is really good the way you phrase it and just that you have him realize it after the fact was a really good way to handle what good easily become an overly sappy thing.
Also just in general I really like your prose, you have these small physical descriptions mixed in at random but right intervals that mix well with the emotional aspect of the stories.

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the comments! :) I, for one, think that I am a bit of a comma whore when it comes to writing. ;)

Also, your icon is adorable.

[willowwood.livejournal.com]

Both of those were amazing, and your use of description is just perfect. I especially loved the first one, awww poor Hodgins

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! :D

[dnalalal.livejournal.com]

Great job.

I really love the spin you put on the first story. I've read quite a few stories addressing the effects the Grave Digger event would have on Hodgins - mostly him crying to Angela and her wiping his tears away and promising to be there always, and while the Hodgela shipper in me loves it, the realist in me is very impressed by your take.

I'd never even thought of Hodgin/Brennan talking about the events, but it makes so much sense - as really, who would understand it better than the person who was right there with him? Also loved how you didn't take away from the Jack/Angela relationship - Jack's thoughts on not wanting to cause Angela pain were very sweet.

Thanks for writing =)

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the thoughts! Watching that episode, I was struck by how well Hodgins and Brennan got along while trapped, it wasn't weird or uncomfortable at all, and I knew that it had to translate into post-burial life for them. But I didn't want to break up the canon pairings, which I love to bits. :)

[lostakasha.livejournal.com]

I really loved both of these!

And I think it's terrific that you've picked up on the Hodgins-Brennan connection.

In The Boy In The Bush, when Jack goes into Brennan's office to tell her to "fight collusion in all its forms" there was a sense that they were friends -- since that ep I've assumed there was always more than met the eye there. Ditto for Man in the SUV.

With life being so complex and fluid, I think you can make them work without rocking the core 4 too hard! It's just great stuff.

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the nice comment! Yes, I definitely felt the Hodgins-Brennan connection. I'll probably revisit it again in the future. :)

[callieach.livejournal.com]

Aww... the first one was completely sweet, and very creative. And the second one was very well written as well. Thanks for sharing!

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. :)

[miss1nformation.livejournal.com]

luffed them both sweetie!

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

Thank you!!

[niccuinn.livejournal.com]

Truly, truly amazing. Mannerisns, speaking patterns - you have them down pat, and it makes reading your work such a pleasure.

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

Thank you, you're too kind! :)

[crystalposey.livejournal.com]

"She walks through the world as if she's indestructible, but Booth knows better. She's just as human as everyone else, as human as the man she helped into the stretcher. That could have been her. She could have been seriously hurt. But she doesn't see that."

That is an excellent describtion, well done.

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :)

[basilio-the-cat.livejournal.com]

Loved it :D

[mallomarred.livejournal.com]

Really, I just wanted to drop you a note to tell you in general how much I enjoy your writing. I found a rec for your Bones fics on YTDAW and have happily been sifting through them this afternoon. It's a genuine pleasure to read mature and thoughtful Booth/Brennan fics -- You've given voice to the unspoken undercurrent that makes them fun to watch. I'm all for UST on air as long as it gets resolved in fanfic!

Do you post on fanfic.net at all? It's annoying these days, but it does have that lovely author alert feature.

Thanks!

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

Oh my, I've been recced on YTDAW? I am both pleased and nervous! :)

I do post on FF.net under the name smitha-r. I don't post my smuttier fics there, but otherwise it's all available, updates and all. http://www.fanfiction.net/~smithar

Thank you for taking the time to comment!

[loving-nancy.livejournal.com]

wow. this must be what fanfic heaven feels like. "amidts the chaos" is my new best friend. :D you are so damn good at these...i envy you. :P


Nikayla

[loving-nancy.livejournal.com]

stupid typos..."amidst"...and "this" instead of "these"

[plazmah.livejournal.com]

AW, you're too kind! Thank you. :D

[charmingkarla.livejournal.com]

this was wonderful, thanks for sharing :)